morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
