she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
