I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
