it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
