it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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