i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
