I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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