I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize