Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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