Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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