Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
