Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
