Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
