I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
