I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
