i just had sex bonerless
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
