drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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