I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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