i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
