He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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