i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
