brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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