Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
