I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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