my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
