The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
