I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
