1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
