Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
