I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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