I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
