I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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