Please, let me fuck your mom
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
