dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
