the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
