Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The power of my boobs compel you
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
