I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
