That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
