Ketchup is God's man juice
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
