direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
