In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
