yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
