Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
