All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
