Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
