Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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