I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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