im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
