my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
