so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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