Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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