But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
