I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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