He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
