Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
