I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm jealous of your bromance
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
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