my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
So many bounce houses so little time
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I need a beard to bite.
My bed smells like the plague
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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