I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
