ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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