The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
