omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
