Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
