Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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