my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
