***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
