Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
