Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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