At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
