I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
