My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
This is not my ceiling
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
