i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
