I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize