i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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