it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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